Tuesday, January 11, 2005
even interesting people change
spiritual growth and maturity, evolution and living experiences in a deeper way are all subjects in my present. i am grateful for knowing the higher side of life, the reality within the illusion, so lucky to have a guide.
it's sad and it's lovely how we grow and change, and how our relationships with others are altered in the process. sometimes you leave behind people you thought would always be by your side. you stop being attracted to the same people you considered irresistible. the veil is dropped from your eyes, or the mask off their faces, or the air clears, but lord knows it happens. and, as irving said, some people that before were uninteresting now happen to have a spark that captures your attention. why does it happen? sometimes it's sad when these changes occur, cus some of the ones you leave behind really are good people, but most of the time it's beneficial. boy, am i thankful of my filtering of acquaintances, lovers, and frequent conversation buddies. you can't go by my hi5 list to determine my close circle of friends. at the risk of sounding careless and uninterested in friendship, it's refreshing to have narrowed down the clique... relationships are meant to help you become a better person, and/or for you to help others become better too. but if i see a relationship isn't going anywhere- or worse, if it's the cause of my walking backwards, i'm sorry, but as roy o'bannon said, i gotta take care of number 1. now, by this i don't mean to ego centered-ly declare i am number one in everyone's universe, but i definitely am in mine. but going back to friends, because of this business is that i don't find the time to break myself into a 100 me's who would be looking after everyone else.
with some people i considered naturally attractive i have the same reaction that i have towards meat. it's like i used to mentally dangle a piece of chicken in my mind to see if i'd have a hunger-like reaction and i got no such response. it's simply not appetizing to me, at all. and it so happens with these people. even if it's just to talk to... so imagine when i dangle the possibility of more. it's a simple inner no, that's not necessary.
about the former uninteresting that are currently dig-able... it is strange. noticing this admiration for the ones i would have at other times rejected, criticized, competed with, or minimized goes hand in hand with discovering new parts of myself. i am much more calm, patient and detached. less needy, negative, and denying. i can be more honest with myself. and i can appreciate more the light in those that have it... on. i feel better to surround myself with 'similar interests' type of people. and by that i mean on the deeper side of life, not on bands or jobs or clothes or movies. flip the switch to on, please. follow the white rabbit.
Created by Chelle @ 1:45 AM