Tuesday, August 29, 2006

yeah i can, but... what for?

sure, i can do whatever i want and waste all my energies and time in nonsense and be the wildest, "coolest", most careless person... but... what for? i can stay up late and party every night and go to every concert and every bash and go non stop with hardly any sleep... and have all the "fun" i want... and then go to work, and then go to party, i mean, i've done it before... so yeah, i perfectly can... but... what for? i can build up fatigue over fatigue, adrenaline high over adrenaline high, sleeplessness over sleeplessness, multitude over multitude, noise over noise, self-agression over self-agression... but... what for? i could cloud my mind with drink over drink, smoke over smoke, and other chemical reactions... high over high over crash over crash... i could, i could... but... what for?

i can live the hardcore life without ever facing myself. i can ignore all my issues and simply escape and escape, and distract myself, and always have something to do, somewhere to go to, someone to talk to, and never ever leave any time for me to be alone and actually hear what's going on inside myself, and never pay attention to that... i could, i perfectly could... but... what for? i could allow all of my unsolved problems to build up, having more relationships and new issues arise in my daily life, and i could just drink them or party them "away" (or really just bury them inside of me) and just let all the unconscious stress build up until i have cancer or an ulcer, but not really ever get them out of my system, i could just let them eat me up cus in the short run it's just easier not to face them... so i could, of course i could... but... what for?

i could live without any focus, not set any goals, and just go by whatever comes along. i could disperse myself into a million different activities, trying to do as much as i can, just because i can. i could join, because i mean, we humans have incredible capacities and our bodies can take so much, you know, so i could just use up all of my time as much as i can, and live like hell- with a million aches and pains and always tired, and die younger for wasting myself too quickly, but do absolutely everything i'm capable of doing, even if it's not really important for me, just cus i can, and never say no to anything or anyone, just because i can always do something, you know, no matter how tired, or sick, or in need of self-care i am. i could just beat the energizer bunny, i could be involved in everything. i could waste my whole life and administer myself as poorly as a thing without any value whatsoever, just spending me on anything and anyone who comes along... i could... i definitely could... but... what for?

if i could also have a life that's worth living...

13 comments:

Mich said...

I have thought about that, and indeed I have tried to burn myself out, but you are right, what for???
Tambien me dicen Chelle algunas personas! Me gusta tu blog, te voy a poner en mis links;)

Agus said...

Hi Michi,
great post...

What for? Because it keeps us from taking care of what is REALLY important in Life---Ourself.

Love ya,

Ohh by the way-(working from 5-9 flowers)..can I call you after?

Chelle said...

mich- esacto, eso es lo que uno hace: burn out. y si, a mi me dicen mich tambien jejeje. thanksh! :P

ags- yeah, por tar viviendo pafuera... osea! jeje.

coolz, i also finish a esa hora (ensayo del coro del centro) so i'll be home like at 9:15pm. sounds good! :D

JayCam said...

Well, I guess you have to go through some of those things to know what life is all about and what you really want from it. The problem, the way I see it, is not doing those things, but getting stuck for the rest of your life on that pool... that would be a wasted life.
I enjioyed reading you Chelle.
Regards,
Jay

Chelle said...

jay- asi es, haciendolo es que uno se da cuenta, y con moderacion todo esta bien, pero es como dices, si solo fuera eso to el tiempo y pa siempre... bueh... :P

Nelly said...

what for what for...este post esta muy muy coolito y en verdad que its the reality of most people, myself included.

Baakanit said...

Sometimes after you burned certain stages of your life when you think about doing that again, you think carefully and say to yourself, what for? What's the point in destroying my body little by little?

Good post chelle, at first i thought you were honoring the "Dominican chele" now i know where does chelle comes from.


Take care

AniCh said...

Esasssssssto...uno se da cuenta, porq yo creo q como q habemo mucho q hemos pasado por esa etapa...jijiji

Pero llega el momento en q uno mismo dice "Y pa' que!!?"

Chelle said...

nels- grathiash... asi e, of most of us.

baak- jejeje, si hay gente ke lee chele, pero seria chel en ese caso. like u say, es destruirse poco a poco.

nich- esasto uno como k depue k lo vive llega un dia k dice pero ven aca...

Mich said...

anich - me encanta tu foto! ( yo sé q no es el tema de la clase :P )

tocash - jeje hoy estuve hablando de eso con una amiga... q la gente hace todo eso pq se siente vacío y quiere llenarse con algo... uno no hace nada con "eso"... le digo "eso" pq no es vida, es simplemente una etapa en la q algunos se quedan (feita la etapa sí, pero ya pasó grazie a Dio!)

xoxo!

Chelle said...

si, la foto de anich ta mur cul. :)

y si, como k todos de una manera u otra estamos buscando como llenar ese vacio... por eso en realidad nadie es mejor o peor ke nadie, simplemente cada kien esta donde tiene k estar, viviendo lo que le toca en este momento.

lo mas importante es que uno sea uno mismo, aunke eso sea diferente a otros. :)

Mich said...

amen! :)

Chelle said...

jeje :P

porque:

“Todo me está permitido, pero no todo es para mi bien.”

1 Corintios 6:12 (thx tocash!)