Wednesday, November 16, 2005


Much of my previous focus went onto what I got out of life, people, things. Needless to say, life, people, and things were quite disappointing.

Much of my present focus goes onto what I can contribute to life, people, things. Now, life, people, and things are constantly returning more than I could ever ask for.

I gave up milking the goat. In general. I can't say I've changed this forever and that I won't have moments of ignorance when I do measure what is given or received- I continue being human. But on a large part, I just got tired of keeping accountancy of what comes and goes. It's mega draining, and never completely satisfying. Which human being is going to keep track of everything you ever need or want, and be able to provide this to you during the 86,400 seconds of each day? LET'S BE REALISTIC. Not even the person who loves you the most can possibly do this. He or she would have to let him or herself die of hunger, and not shower and not have a job or a life or anything to be able to do so. Ew.

Anyway, what am I here for? Am I just painted on some wall? Or can I be actively involved in my own life and in having the necessary diligence to nourish my own wellbeing?

What throws us off is that life can send you things in a million different ways, and we are usually stuck hoping or expecting it to be one certain way. Expectation causes attachment, and when the desired outcome is apparently changed, suffering results... and you could be receiving what you wanted in major amounts than you ever wished for from other sources- but, no, you can't see it. You're limited to looking at the fact that it did not come from where you wanted it to. And you end up wasting many chances.

Come on, the universe is too vast for its ways to be so limited. Of course there oughta be infinite ways of things materializing.